I just went through and read all of my old entries. It was good for me, being able to go back and read the kind of person I was back then, to remind myself of things I'd forgotten, to see how I was growing and how I have grown since then.

It's funny, I think I am in many ways the same person I always was, in others a better person. It was useful for me to read all my past foibles and hangups, cos maybe some of those negative personality traits are coming back into my life and I wouldn't have really noticed if I hadn't read about their previous incarnations.

The main reason I have been using this so long is cos I had forgotten my password. Funny thing is, recovering my password was dead easy and took me less than a minute. I think I had also be subconciously avoiding this place because it was part of a self that I had left behind - my Adelaide self rather than my Brisbane self.

Now, I am undecided as to whether I will begin using this again or not. I remember when I was using it I used to think of it as being quite cathartic. But looking back on some of my entries, I wasn't necesarily being particularly positive about myself or the way I was feeling. Part of me wonders if it was writing about it that was making me feel this way, or at the very least amplifying those feelings.
My other reservation about revisiting this is that I am aware that people I know and associate with in real life *may* have read and would still read this. The moniker I adopted for this diary is a moniker I still use and that people who know me are aware of and would be able to use it to find this site. I know at least one of my friends has told me he's done that sort of thing and trawled the internet for people's personal thoughts. And his argument is true, that if you are putting it on the internet you have to expect that anyone can come along and read what you have written. Although it never occurred to me at the time he may have been referring to anything he read about me. Not that I really mind, I don't think I wrote anything on here that I feel uncomfortable about people knowing. It does concern me slightly that reading through the entries on this site does give anyone who reads a clear insight to how insecure I can be and was at the time of writing for a lot of entries. That could be a good thing too, in terms of enabling people an understanding of me, which at times I act to deprive people of.

So yeah, to comment on my life since my last entry... I have grown in many ways as a person, but then again it was clear to see from all my previous entries the whole time I was maintaining this I was also growing. I am a much more positive person than I was then, although I seem to be falling into the same kind of trench I was back then, even if it is for different reasons. It's a concern, cos I know now that my success lies in being positive about myself - success about maintaining a high level of self confidence and a desire to succeed.

Recently I have started doing the same thing I used to do all the time - staying up late in front of my computer not doing particularly anything but not particularly feeling like going to bed and finally going to sleep rediculously late. It's a habit I know I have to kick. Tomorrow I have an 1100 class I really should go to but haven't been for weeks.

The whole rut I'm in right now in some ways reflects the rut I was in back then. I have several options available to me to get out of this rut, and perhaps my current rut is much easier to get out of and I'm more highly motivated. But then there is still the element of requiring action.

I'm not sure, but this time around this whole exercise feels a lot more disassociated, but then that's prolly cos back then I always wrote entries knowing that particular people would read them - now this is not so much the case, meaning the whole process is not so personal for me as it once was. I'm not sure that makes sense, in fact in a way maybe that's a contradiction in itself.

Yeah, not sure if I actually ended up saying anything just now. No proofreading, so hopefully I didn't make anyone of meaning changing/obscurring typos that my old entries were prone to be affected by.

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